Weakness

Well, it's been a month since I started my plan. For the most part, I'm doing pretty well! I started going to the gym today. It's really cool because I can drop Bella and Malia off in the child care area and go work out. It was quiet. It was relaxing. It was wonderful. I guess it sounds funny to say that exercising was relaxing, but it really was. I'm doing that every day possible. I look forward to going tomorrow!

I went to the Relief Society broadcast last Saturday. I always have a hard time wanting to go, but once I get there, I'm glad I did. It seems easier to just watch it on your TV, in your pajamas with a big glass of ice water. I do enjoy the spirit that I feel when I'm with so many good women. You don't get that when you stay home. Most of the talks were about visiting teaching. That's not the greatest topic for me. I get a little irritated when I think of visiting teaching. My testimony of Relief Society and visiting teaching isn't exactly strong. I don't feel any great bond or a special attachment. But I know that I should. I want to. Really. I just don't know why I don't. Actually, that's a lie. I do know why I don't love visiting teaching. 1. I've never had visiting teachers who have come to see me. That may sound like an exaggeration, but it isn't. In the ten years of being and having visiting teachers. . .I've never had anyone come more than twice. 2. My visiting teachers have never brought meals when I've had kids or been sick or injured. 3. I always see people taking advantage of visiting teachers. For example, when we lived in Utah there was a woman who was pregnant with triplets. She asked for meals for three months. THREE MONTHS! I understand that she was on bed rest for a few weeks before she had the babies and I can't even imagine having three babies at one time. . .but three months? Really? She didn't have any other kids, why couldn't her husband help out with cooking for the two of them? Even here in NC there are people who ask for meals to be brought for more than week!

Just for some background. . .When I had Malia, my visiting teachers told me that they would each bring us dinner one night. At 5:30 PM one of them called me and said that the other couldn't bring her meal that night so she would bring two meals the next day in the afternoon. The next day we waited for her to bring them by, and finally decided that we needed to figure something else out because she wasn't coming, and she didn't. How do you do that? Why would you do that? If I couldn't make someone a meal, I would at least go buy them a pizza or KFC or something. I wouldn't just leave them wondering. I't has been six months and this still bothers me. Heck, the stories I told you before happened a long long time ago and they still bother me. Why? I don't think about it all the time, actually I don't think about it very often. Just when the subject of visiting teaching comes up. Today it started bothering me because our Relief Society sent out an email asking for help with meals for a week for my visiting teacher who just had a baby. I have zero desire to take her family dinner. I know that's wrong. I really do. I don't know how to change the way I'm thinking. How do I get to the point where things like that don't bother me? Ben would say "There's nothing you can do about it now, so why worry about it." I just think that is easier said than done. For now, I'll keep praying for the ability to control my thoughts and to know how to get over things faster. . .it's just not really working so well right now. I'm weak. Too weak for my liking. I'll keep working on it.