Time

Do you ever wonder where the time goes? I do. All the time. I used to think time went by so slowly. . .like when I was in school. I was always wanting and waiting for the school year to end. Then when it did end Summer flew by. It was always over before I was ready to go back to school. Maybe that means that time flies when you're having fun!? I think I've heard that saying before! :) I believe it. When Ben was on his mission time did NOT fly by. Perhaps it was because I wasn't having fun. Now here I am 14 years later and it seems like it's gone by in a flash. Sheesh! It's been two years since I last posted on this blog! How did that happen? I don't like it.

Can I say, totally off topic, that I also hate that when I learned to type you did two spaces after a period. Ben informed me that that has changed. Now you only do one space. I don't like that either. It's not a very easy thing to change! Seriously!

So anyway, in the last two years so much has happened that I really just don't know where to begin.  Most importantly, we had another baby girl. Her name is Lila Kate. She was born on July 8, 2012. She is in the top five of the cutest kids ever. I personally know the other four on that list as well. ;) I just love her! With that being said. . .I'm also done. Done, done, done. I really don't want any more kids. Lila didn't make me feel this way. She is an awesome baby. I just don't feel like I want any more. I feel like I've reached my maximum load. After each of my children were born I knew we were going to have another. I don't feel that way this time.  Ben agrees with me and he will most likely get snipped at the beginning of next year. Nothing says permanent quite like that.

How about a quick update on everyone?

Ben is wonderful. Seriously. He's amazing. I don't know how he does everything that he is required to do. He gives 100% to everything. . .family, church, job. All of it. Right now he is a member of the high council in our stake. It keeps him busy on Sundays. Really busy. It is nice, though, to not have the weekday and occasional weekend responsibilities that went along with being the YM president. Ben loves his job and has a great boss (Randy Hughes) who he looks up to and admires. He is also an awesome dad. Our kids adore him and are thrilled when he comes home from work. I am blessed to be his wife.

I am just me. Nothing hugely new. I did complete P90X and I'm currently attempting Insanity. I say attempting because it is a bear! Sometimes I can't even finish the workout. There is a significantly noticeable difference in the way I look. I still weigh more than I'd like but Ben says I need to not pay attention to the number on the scale. I know he's right. . .but I can't get past that way-to-high number staring at me. I am scheduled to have Lasik eye surgery at the beginning of January. I have mixed feeling about this. I'm excited to not have to wear contacts or glasses but terrified that the surgery is on my eyes. I have nightmares about something going wrong and I'm left blinded for the rest of my life. . .it makes me a bit apprehensive. In August Ben and I went on a kid-free vacation to Disney World! We flew my mom out here to watch the kids and we escaped for a week. I wouldn't recommend going to Disney World in August. . .ever, but it was very fun and very relaxing. Being there made me want to go again. . .with the kids. :)

Simon is now 9 1/2 years old. He was accepted into the AIG (Academically and Intellectually Gifted) Program at school. He really loves it. He enjoys being one of the smart kids at school. (I wonder who he got that from?) He also started doing the Let Me Run program for boys in fourth and fifth grade. They run after school on Tuesdays and Thursdays and run a 5K in December. Ben and I have noticed that Simon has been getting a little sweet around the midsection so we decided that we needed to be more healthy as a family. I am really proud of Simon. He has taken this challenge full on. He is choosing healthier snacks and the days he doesn't run at school he rides his bike for two miles. He really is a good kid. I wish I had some of his and his fathers "go get 'em" personality. He is also my best helper. He helps me clean and enjoys helping with dinner. He does anything I ask him to do. . .all the time. I have to be careful not to take advantage of that. Simon loves Lila to bits. It is really heart warming to watch how sweet he is with her. Gosh I just love that kid. I really hope he stays this way. Only four more years and he'll be a teenager. I'm learning all too well how fast that amount of time goes by. :( I'm terrified of that. . .him being a teenager. Well, not just him. I'm absolutely terrified for all of my kids to be teenagers. That's a topic for another day though.

My Nolan Boy is awesome. He has been doing basketball every year and plans to do it again this year. He does really well in school. He's a great reader and loves math. . .another thing they get from their father. Nolan didn't get the "go get 'em" attitude but he's still a good kid.  He just takes a little more. . .pushing. He is getting baptized in a month! Yikes! I love that he is excited about that. My Nolan is a funny boy who loves to be silly and have fun. He likes to take things apart and likes to collect garbage. No, really. He asks for every box or juice container or milk jug or anything that looks like something he might be able to make something out of or put a stuffed animal in. It's kind of cute. I love when he gets excited about something and his eyes light up and he gets a big grin on his face. He also has THE best laugh. Ever.

Bella turned six not long ago. She has been taking dance lessons and played soccer one season. She's probably better at soccer than the boys are. It was funny, today the kids all wanted to run from the end of our neighborhood to our house. It's a full mile. Nolan ran 1/4 of the way and got mad that Bella was in front of him and was running more than him so he stopped and got in the car.  He said that Bella was cheating because she would look back and if she saw him running she would start running so she could stay ahead. Nolan couldn't catch her and he didn't like it. Bella ran 3/4 of the way before her side started hurting. She was in the lead the entire time. Poor Nolan couldn't handle Bella being faster than him. So, Bella is a fast, strong, athletic girl! At her well-child visit she was in the 95th percentile for weight and height. Her doctor said she is proportional, so there's nothing to worry about. She's as strong as an ox. She loves to dance and LOVES to listen to music. We are going to have to get that girl and ipod or something for Christmas. Bella loves school and is above grade level in reading and math. She has the best personality. . .so fun and full of life. She still whines. . .all the time. . .but she is improving every day. I guess that's all you can ask of a six year old.

Malia is so sweet. She is starting to get a little attitude (she's three and female. . .it's to be expected.) but most of the time she is a joy to be around. She started dancing and loves every minute of it. I was a proud mamma watching my girls dancing on stage. :) I also do Joy School with Malia. It's a group of women from my ward who take turns having "preschool" at their houses. Malia loves going to her friends' houses. She really is a friendly girl. I've never seen her be mean to another kid. She is always so loving and inviting. She has always called herself 'Mia.' She couldn't say the L in there, so she just said Mia. Now we all call her Mia too. Lately Ben has been saying "Mia - the gol darn - Karen" when he talks to her so she calls herself "Mia golf Karen." She is so cute. I really need to be better about blogging because she says some pretty funny stuff.

Last but not least, we have Lila Kate. That's what we call her too. . .Lila Kate. Well, Bella calls her Sweets or Sweet Toad. The kids love her to death. As a result, she is spoiled rotten. She's the baby of the family so that probably goes without saying. She has strawberry blonde hair and has the personality of a fiery red-head. She is also an ABSOLUTE momma's girl. It's the best. I secretly love that she only wants me sometimes and as soon as she sees me she runs to me. I secretly love to hold her at night and sing her songs until she falls asleep. Unfortunately I didn't do that enough with my other babies. I wanted them to get into a good sleeping routine. When it was bed time, they went in their crib and didn't get out until bedtime was over. . .unless they were sick. . .I'm not THAT mean.

We also got a kitten. Her name is Alexa. I always told the kids that they weren't having a pet of any kind. We've had fish, birds, a cat, a dog. . .even a ghost crab. I was done with pets. Only. . .I wasn't. I remember being mad at my mom because she would never let us have a pet. My brother, Ryan got to have a dog. Three dogs, actually. But nobody else ever got to have one. I'm sure she knew that nobody else would take care of their pet like Ryan took care of his dogs. I didn't realize that at the time and it made me mad. If I stew over it long enough, my inner child comes out and I still feel slighted. I know, I know. . .that's pathetic. I'm not angry about it anymore. Really. My experience does make me want to keep my kids from feeling that way. I've never liked cats but that's the only animal I'm willing to have, so we have one. She is very sweet and loves to come sit with me at night while Ben and I are watching TV. Now she is the only cat I like. :)

That's not a very thorough update, but it will have to do. It's amazing to me how much can change in two years. Two years is really not that long! I think this whole time thing hit me not too long ago. Maybe when, after much fasting and prayer and tears (my tears) Ben and I decided that Lila Kate would be our last. Something about that stage in life ending is hard.  I won't be pregnant again. I won't be holding another new born that I call my own. There's no more cheering on a baby learning to crawl or walk or say their first words. There's no more first birthdays to celebrate. It makes me sad. So now I hold Lila and watch her sleep and go get her if she wakes up at night. I'm sure I'll pay for it later.  She'll be my worst sleeper. . .but I just don't care.  Bella has been waking up in the middle of the night, coming in our room and sleeping on our floor right by me. I probably shouldn't let her do it. I can hear the argument in my head. She'll get in the habit and not want to sleep in her own room. I really just don't care. I love that she wants to come be by me. That's not going to last forever. I'm pretty sure that when she's fourteen and hates me she won't be coming in my room. So, for now, I'll hold my baby as often as I like. I'll let my Mae Mae sleep on my floor. I'll sing to Simon and Nolan every night until they ask me to stop and I'll take a nap with Malia anytime she asks me to. Sadly, NONE of these things last forever. Time goes on. . .way to fast. I am certainly having fun so that must be why it seems to go by even faster. I have a lot to be thankful for. . .and I am!

Order of Operation

When it comes to doing the important things in life first. . .I'm not very good. What I am good at is finding "good" things to do instead of the necessary thing. I always seem to have time to check my email or peruse Pinterest, but I never have time to clean the house really well or read a good book, not to mention scripture study.

We were watching a General Conference talk yesterday and it was basically about choosing to do those things that will lead to exaltation, rather than the things that eat up your time and take you away from the activities that invite the spirit and foster growth. I actually walked in toward the end of the talk, but Ben lovingly offered to rewind it for me. I declined and told him that I got the gist. While I only heard a short part of the talk (and I couldn't even tell you who was speaking) I knew that I needed to make a change. So, last night I made myself an order of operations list. I wrote down the things that I do or need to do in a day/week/month. Then I prioritized them. Here's my list. . .

1. Read scriptures
2. Do a load of laundry
3. Prepare for dinner
4. Go running
5. Tidy up the house
6. Make visiting teaching appointments
7. Primary stuff
8. Zone cleaning (flylady.com)
9. Read/Play with kids
10. Yard work
11. Watch a conference talk
12. Read a book or Ensign
13. Scrapbooking
14. Check email
15. Blog post
16. Pinterest
17. Facebook
18. TV

My thought was that if I had something visual it might be easier for me to do the important things first. Now, I realize that playing with the kids is more important than cleaning. However, they are at school most of the day, so that is why they are below laundry, cleaning and running. Some of the things are just so I spend some time doing them i.e. reading and zone cleaning. Some of them aren't things I will do every day, but I'd like to do at least once a week. . .scrapbooking, and blogging. I put visiting teaching appointments so high on the list, because if I have to work on that before doing some of the other things it might actually get done (I'm not a very good visiting teacher).

Today was my first day. I think I did pretty well! The kids were home from school so I didn't get to go running. I did get a lot of cleaning done, though. I also studied the scriptures and even got to watch a conference talk. It was a lovely and productive day. I know the kids enjoyed the extra attention they got. It made them a happier crew. . .which makes me a happier mom. I think I'm going to print out my list and laminate it so I can check things off as I go. Yes, I'm going to do that . . .then it will be even more visual. . .and I do like putting a check next to things that I've done. :) I figure, if it gets me one step closer to being more spiritual. . .it's worth it, right?

As a side note. . .Our decision to not watch TV during the week has been one of the best decisions we've made for our family. It was incredibly difficult at first. I was so used to having them sit in front of the TV for some quiet time. Since we started our plan, the kids have learned to play with each other. It's so great! They love to go outside and they will play upstairs for hours. Bella would occasionally ask if she could watch a show, but the boys have never whined or whimpered a bit. It was most definitely the hardest for me to adjust. But now, I'm loving it!

Late-Night Ramblings

I love when I see things that my kids do that remind me of myself. Last night, I was singing Simon his song (yes, he still lets me sing to him at night and hopefully that doesn't change anytime soon) and when I was done, he wanted to chat. He does this almost every night. He wants to talk, like he never got a chance to tell me these things during the day. I would say that he's just stalling. . .but I do the same thing. Ask Ben. He'll tell you. Anytime we go to bed a little later than planned, I'm always itchin' to talk about stuff. Ben's ready for bed. . .and I'm not. :) He'll say "Why do you always want to chat at 11:30 at night?" The answer is. . .

I don't know. Maybe it's because that's when my mind can actually think because there's nobody pulling on my leg or asking me for something?

I'm sure Simon gets it from me. . .and I love it.

I'm glad that he wants to talk. I don't even care what it's about. Right now it's mostly about anything Pokemon. When he gets older, I hope that he remembers that I've always had a listening ear. When the things that are important to him change from Pokemon to girls and from soccer to his challenges.

I want him to know he can always talk to me and I'll listen.

Tied to the Tube

It's been a while since I posted. I hadn't realized how quickly time has been flying by. I can't say that much has happened in the last two months. . .Nolan graduated from preschool, Simon finished first grade, Bella had a beautiful dance concert and Malia is walking all over the place! I have done nothing exciting. . .and I can't think of anything noteworthy for Ben either. I guess the fact that we bought a tent trailer is something to note. :)

This post is to tell about our new experiment. Ben and I have frequently discussed how much television the kids watch. My question is how much is too much? Ben had suggested once before that we not watch TV at all during the week. My response was, "Yeah, right." That's easy for him to say. . .he goes to work all day. I stay home with the kids and would have to entertain them. I told him that maybe we could start that when the school year starts again. To which, he rolled his eyes.

I know it sounds horrible, but I LOVE having the television as a distraction, a babysitter if you will. It is very convenient and easy to turn on a cartoon for the kids (especially Bella) while I try to get something accomplished. There is part of me that wouldn't really mind if they spent the whole day being vegetables on a couch wasting their childhood away. Horrible. . .right?

I did say part of me. . .and I really don't let them do that. However, Ben and I still think they watch too much. . .way way way to much. Like I said, we have talked about it multiple times, but never really done anything about it. That has now changed.

On Monday, Ben sent me a link to an article in the Deseret News. It was about how kids spend most of their time in front of screens. . .TV, computer, Nintendo DS, Gameboy, phones, and so on and so on. It suggests that families turn off their screens for a week and see what happens. It really was an interesting article.

After reading the article, and hearing a talk in General Conference about how we should be spending less time in front of the tube, Ben and I decided that we would give it a try. The only difference is that we are going to do it for the whole Summer and we aren't going to be totally screen-free. I know, it's crazy, right? I figure if we can make it through the Summer we will easily be able to continue when the kids are in school.

Here are the rules. . .

1) No TV Sunday through Friday - on Saturday they get to watch some, but not much.

2) Wii, DS, Gameboy, Computer games are only allowed on specified days. They can play Tuesday & Thursday for two hours, Saturday for however long they want. - we actually started this a while ago and it has been great. The only change is the two hour limit.

3) All the chores have to be done on Saturday before any TV or video games are played.

4) They are allowed to watch one movie a night - I already promised the kids a movie every night before we started our experiment. This is contingent on their behavior during the day.

5) Every day they don't watch TV or play video games they each get to put a sticker on the chart. When they reach a certain number of stars, (I think it works out that they can get enough every other week) we will take them camping in the tent trailer. (Something that we were most likely going to do anyway. . .but they don't need to know that!)

We are on day two of our experiment. Day one went okay. We went outside and worked in our garden, walked across the street and played on the swings, cooked dinner together, cleaned up the house together, and read books among other things. It was a fun day and I think the kids enjoyed having my attention a little more. It was, however, a little stressful. We did make a list of things that we could do instead of watching TV. . .but that list doesn't always help out. I have found that I am very used to having some quiet time during the day. The time when Bella and Malia are sleeping, Nolan is glued to the wii and Simon to his DS. I am also used to having Dora and Bubble Guppies as my babysitters. Without the cartoons, Bella is constantly right next to me asking me to do things with her or to help me with whatever I'm trying to do. I don't think that's a bad thing. . .just something I am going to have to get used to.

Today is going pretty well also. The kids and I did melty beads and did a little more cleaning. Right now, Malia is asleep and Nolan and Bella are supposed to be sleeping. . .only I keep hearing them moving around in their rooms. Simon has read a lot of books and I think I will work with Nolan on his reading today too.

I'd say this first day and a half have worked. It certainly isn't easy. . .not even a little bit. I miss the TV. That sounds so pathetic! I really do though. It was even hard for me not to turn it on and watch one of my shows. Ben was telling me that he went to the TV to turn it on multiple times. It's such a habit. . .for all of us. Even after one day, I can see how just turning off the TV can free up so much time! That is time that can be better spent. I remember looking at the clock yesterday morning and thinking "It's only 9:00! This day is going to drag on forever!" You lose track of time, and it seems to go by so quickly when your watching show after show. I can also see how all of that extra time can be used to teach my kids how to keep things clean, grow a garden, cook a dinner, use their imaginations (heaven forbid) and whatever else.

Growing up, I don't remember watching a lot of TV. We never had cable, so perhaps it wasn't the lack of desire, it was the lack of options. I have never felt slighted by that. I remember playing outside with my siblings all the time. I played hotbox or cowboys & indians or hide-and-seek with my brothers, and Tara and I used to play with Barbies inside and outside all day long. I like those memories. I'd rather my kids have those kinds of memories rather than memories of watching Pokemon or Phineas & Ferb.

Ben and I are hoping that we will be able to spend more time with our kids. Hence the tent trailer and the new TV rules.

I think it's going to be a long, yet beneficial Summer. Wish us luck.

Three down. . .

I'm sitting here in my bed and I can't sleep. Ben and Malia are on their way to Utah. First of all, I have never been able to fall asleep when Ben is gone. I hear every noise and only think of the worst things that could happen. Second, he took my baby. I don't do well without my babies. It wouldn't be so bad if it was one of the other kids. They are older and don't rely on me as much as a one year old does. She's been gone for four hours and I'm ready for her to be home. Pathetic. . .I know. When I came upstairs I was almost to her room to check on her before I remembered that she isn't there!
So anyway, I thought I'd give a little bit of an update on my goals for the year. There's bad news and good news. Bad news: My cello is broken beyond repair. Apparently it was broken when we bought it. . .we just didn't know that because it took me so long to get the bridge put back on. It also took some damage in the move and had a crack in it. Awesome. That goal will have to be put on hold. We are trying to cut back on the spending and buying a new cello doesn't really go along with the cut backs.
Good news: I have learned to use my sewing machine, and I feel pretty comfortable with it. There are still a few things that I have to check the manual about. . .but that's what a manual is for, right? I have also finished Bella's rag quilt! It turned out so so so cute. . .and I sewed it all by myself! I want to make another one. :) The last piece of good news is that I ran my 10-K last Saturday! I really enjoyed it too. I learned a few things before, during and after that race. Here they are:
1. Running is addicting! I love the feeling you get after a good run. I feel like I have actually done something healthy. It's a great workout. I also like the peace and quiet. When I started running I had an ipod with me to listen to music. I have learned that it's easier for me to run without that distraction! I'd like to say that I think about all the important things in life while I'm running. . .but I don't. I just run. . .well. . .it's more of a really fast walk. . .or a slow jog, but I'm going to call it running. :) I think of absolutely nothing. Love it.
2. Weight and age have nothing to do with anything. There were plenty of very large and/or very old people who ran the race faster than I did. There were also plenty of skinnier and/or younger people who were walking or out of breath or just plain slower than I was.
3. I look funny when I run. I sort of bend my wrists up or something, I don't know. When I watched the video that Ben took of me. . .I noticed that I look silly when I run. However, when I looked at the pictures of the other people running, I noticed that most of them look silly too. Maybe most people just can't look good while they're running?
4. I either need to get a brace for my knee or really work at strengthening my leg muscles. At about mile three, my knee was killing me. For a minute I was thinking I would have to walk the rest of the way. . .which I didn't end up doing. I can honestly say that I ran the whole thing. I'm pretty proud of that, actually. :) Unfortunately, I paid for it too. I could barely walk for the rest of the day on Saturday and was still in pain on Sunday.
5. I have an awesome husband and great kids. They always brought me water on my training runs and cheered me on as they passed me in the car. Then on Saturday, Ben woke up early, got the kids ready and hauled them to my 7:30 AM race (in the rain!). I saw them toward the end of the race. . .maybe in the last mile? The kids were jumping up and down yelling "Mommy! Mommy!" It gave me a nice little boost of energy. After the race Ben took good care of me. He made me lunch, fed the kids, iced my knee, filled the bathtub, let me take a nap, cleaned the house while I was sleeping, and took care of the kids while I sat lazily on my chair. He's a good boy. :)
6. I should wear black next time, not pink. I learned this, again, from looking at the pictures. Black is more slimming.
7. I should lose 10 more pounds. That's even more slimming.
8. I want to run another race.

Satisfyingly Good

Gardening, running, sewing and cleaning have never really been enjoyable things for me. In fact. . .I have detested all of them. . .for my whole life. I guess I haven't hated sewing that much, but I haven't really had the desire to do it, either. Pulling weeds was one of the worst chores I had to do growing up. I dreaded the fact that we had to run the track before cheer practice every morning. I never really understood how to use a sewing machine. And I think it's safe to say that I have never been very good at cleaning or keeping things clean. . .namely, our house. Well, I should rephrase that. . .I'm good at the actual cleaning. I just don't do it. I have become very talented at finding other things to do so there isn't time to pick up the house. :)

However, lately I have really enjoyed being outside working in the yard. We have a little section in our backyard that we prepared so we can plant a vegetable garden, and I've been weeding like a crazy woman! I love how it looks after you clear away all the dead leaves and weeds. I have also started running. I think that now I enjoy that as much as I hated it in high school. I feel great after I run. I can't run very far, but that's okay. At least I'm exercising. :) Sewing probably shouldn't be on this list, since I don't really hate it, but I have been doing that lately too! I made a rag quilt for Bella. It is so cute and it was so much fun to make. I would make more if the fabric wasn't so expensive. I'm certain I won't ever start sewing my own clothes. I'll stick with the nice, easy, straight lines of a rag quilt. Nolan keeps asking me when I'm going to make him one. Maybe next time he asks, I'll tell him "When Dad says I can". . .then he just might bother Ben about it instead of me. :) The last thing is cleaning. Yes, I said cleaning! I sort of find it relaxing. Now, understand that I'm not saying my house is always clean. There are six mess makers living in this house. It's hard to keep up. However, I feel like I'm doing loads better than I used to. I know that I'm enjoying it more. I do like having a clean house.

Maybe I enjoy these things because they have a good satisfying affect on me. There are plenty of times when I feel like I don't accomplish anything or that I haven't accomplished anything. The weedless yard looks satisfyingly good. I feel good after I run. Seeing Bella so excited for her blanket was good, and walking around in a clean house feels good too.
So, while I may not be good at all of those things, (I've killed a few plants, I don't run very fast or far, my quilt lines aren't perfectly lined up, and the house isn't perfectly clean) they do make me feel good. . .I like that.

Getting it All Together

I'm feeling like I'm having a hard time getting everything together. When I think about what goes on in a day, it doesn't seem like I'm very busy. Yet, I can't seem to get everything accomplished that I would like. Between my church calling, getting kids to and from school, sports, dance, play dates, keeping the house clean, going to the gym, making dinner, helping Simon with homework, and whatever else there is, I always run out of daylight and can't get it all done. It seems like when I go to the gym faithfully. . .the house is a mess. When I work really hard to keep the house clean. . .I don't have time for the gym. . .and either way, I'm always trying to cram primary stuff in at the end of the week to make sure it gets done for Sunday. Not to mention my lack of scripture study, missionary work, compassionate service and the goals I just made for this year!

I see other people doing a whole lot more than I do. They have higher demand church callings, they have larger houses that are always clean, and their kids are signed up for a gazillion different activities. What do they know that I don't? There must be a way to juggle everything without dropping the cleaning ball or the workout ball. . .right? I haven't figured it out yet, but I am going to.

Last week the girls were sick so I couldn't take them to the gym's child care. I decided that since I was home I would clean like a crazy woman in the hopes that next week keeping the house clean would only require some maintaining. (Leona coming on Thursday may have had something to do with it also. . .)

Tomorrow I am going to wake up early (5:15) to study the scriptures, do our morning routine and get Nolan ready for school. I'm going to go to the gym at 8:00. . .before I take Nolan. By 9:45 I will be back home to get in the shower and get ready for the day. 10:30ish is lunch time for Bella and following lunch is nap time for little girls. While they are napping, I'll clean something until I have to get Nolan at 1:30. Simon gets home at about 2:30 and his homework takes almost an hour. Then I need to figure out what we're having for dinner and prepare it. If all goes well, we will have dinner around 6:00, kids showered and ready for bed at 7:00, Malia fed and in bed no later than 8:00, spend time with Ben until 9:00, and be ready and in bed trying to go to sleep by 9:30!

It sounds so easy and doable when I write it down.

Here's hoping. . .

A Few Good Goals

Here are some things that I'd like to get accomplished this year. . .

Bella's blanket finished

Bella's scrapbook finished

Catch up on Malia's scrapbook

Learn to use my sewing machine

Run a 10-k race

Lose 15 pounds (I'm starting at 133 on 01/26)

Stop pulling my eyelashes and eyebrows

Make our 72 hour kits

Relearn the cello

Read 12 books

That is a long list of attainable goals. They are also goals that can't be accomplished if I procrastinate! I am good at procrastinating. . .so this might be kind of hard. BUT, I'm going to do them. . .all of them! Some of them are already in the works. I am going to register today for a 10-k here in Charlotte on April 16. I've started running to work my way up to the 6.2 miles needed. I have started Bella's scrapbook. . .I just need to work on it more often. Same goes for Malia's. I need to get my cello fixed in order to do that goal. I'll try to get that done by the end of this month. I really do love playing the cello. I'm hoping it comes back to me quickly! I haven't played for 13 years. learning to use my sewing machine shouldn't take long. . .I just need to sit down and do it. I'll put that on the plans for this week or weekend. I really badly want to finish everything on this list. I may add more to the list as I think of things, but this is a start! I'll update as things get completed. :)

My Bella Mae

I filled out the registration forms for Bella to go to preschool in August. . .it made me sad. My kids getting bigger makes me sad. I wish they could stay tiny forever. :) Doing that paperwork has made me think a lot about Bella and her personality. I've always said that she takes a lot of energy. . .and she does. . .but I just love her to pieces. These are the words that I think about when I think of Isabella. . .

Beautiful (I know I'm her mom, but she really is an incredibly beautiful girl!)

Busy

Social (she loves everyone. . .especially her Sunbeam friends)

Inquisitive

Artistic (she loves to color and make things)

Cook (she loves watching the food network and helping mom make dinner)

Sister (She adores Malia. . .sometimes too much!)

Helper

Imaginative

Mischievous

Girly (Holy Hannah she's girly!)

Defiant

Persistent

Smart

Sneaky

Fun

Loud (Nolan has a loud voice. . .but Bella is just loud)

Dancer (her favorite part of the week. . .dance class!)

Hoarder (she hides and stashes anything she can get her hands on)

Goofy

Talkative (I'm 99% sure she's never been quiet for more than five minutes unless she was sleeping)

Happy

Constant

Sunbeam (She loves going to church and loves primary)

Informer

Destroyer (This was Simon's nickname for her not long ago. . .and he came up with it on his own.)

I'm really excited for Bella to go to preschool. I think she will have a great time. Frankly, I'm excited for a little bit of a break from her busy little self. However, I also think that I will miss having her at home. She is so much fun to be around and she always keeps me on my toes. I love love love my Bella Mae.

Sheesh! When I'm crying while I type up a post, it's a good sign that I should stop. :)

Update on Goals

The kids are all in bed. Ben is at a young men's activity. . .and I don't know what to do with myself. I could clean. . .but I've been doing that all day (just to have it get messed up again). I should read my scriptures or a book or something. . .but I'm not feeling like reading either. I could go to bed, but it's only 8:00. That seems too early to be going to bed. Also, if I did that I wouldn't get to see Ben much today. SO, instead of doing all of those things, I thought I'd post something. . .since it's been a really long time since the last one.

Nothing really new or exciting has happened. This post will just be an update. :)

I have lost a total of ten pounds! It's kind of funny really, the scale says I've lost ten pounds, but I still feel really chubby. A part of me thinks that I need to get the weight off right now and that I'm too squishy. Another part of me says that I should be happy with how I am. I have four kids, all of which are very young and when I have clothes on, I really don't look fat. . .So, which one do I listen to? Maybe meet somewhere in the middle. Keep trying to lose weight, but don't feel so bad about it, maybe? Who knows. Maybe I can just get a tummy tuck! Ha! ;)

My plan for getting the kids up early was a bust. It was a good plan in theory, but when it came to putting the plan into action it didn't work out so well. I learned that it was a really dumb idea to wake up Bella on purpose! I still need to work on getting up at 5:30. I'm a pushover and if I hear Malia crying, I will go feed her. I don't like hearing her cry. . .and it's faster to feed her then to wait for her to fall back asleep. Anyway, she's usually waking up around 4:30. . .and then I just go back to sleep until I need to get Simon up and ready for school. I'll work on that one.

I have been going to the gym. It hasn't been every day, but it has been frequently. I met a great lady who takes her daughter to dance the same time and day that I take Bella. Her name is Sondra, and we have been working out together. It's nice to know that someone is waiting there for me. It definitely makes me want to go. I wish I could go every day. I'm finding that by the time I get there, drop Bella and Malia off at child care, exercise, then pick them back up and get home, two hours of the day are gone. That's a big chunk of time!

I have been sort of good about keeping the house clean. It goes in waves. I haven't quite mastered all of the routines that FlyLady teaches you. The house does stay clean more often than it used to. So that's a good thing. The kids and I cleaned the upstairs really well and we have started a new nightly routine. After dinner, and before bed, we all go upstairs and pick up. I'm going to try and teach them that if they clean up every night, it will never get to be a big mess and they won't have to spend a whole day cleaning. . .now if I can only teach myself that lesson! Simon wants to earn money to buy a Nintendo DSI XL, so I showed him how to clean a bathroom. He liked doing that and wanted to clean the other two bathrooms in the house also! I need to be excited about cleaning toilets like he is!

Well, I think that's about it. My conclusion. . .I need to be more disciplined!

As a side note, I was called to be the primary secretary! What a blessing! I'm really excited about actually having a calling. I was feeling a little useless. . .a low maintenance, low yield member. I've had the calling for about two months, and I am loving it! Nolan and Simon think it's pretty cool that I stay in the primary room with them. Sister Buckner has been taking Malia with her so I can do my thing. Everyone loves passing Malia around. She's such a sweet, good girl! Another blessing. :)

Weakness

Well, it's been a month since I started my plan. For the most part, I'm doing pretty well! I started going to the gym today. It's really cool because I can drop Bella and Malia off in the child care area and go work out. It was quiet. It was relaxing. It was wonderful. I guess it sounds funny to say that exercising was relaxing, but it really was. I'm doing that every day possible. I look forward to going tomorrow!

I went to the Relief Society broadcast last Saturday. I always have a hard time wanting to go, but once I get there, I'm glad I did. It seems easier to just watch it on your TV, in your pajamas with a big glass of ice water. I do enjoy the spirit that I feel when I'm with so many good women. You don't get that when you stay home. Most of the talks were about visiting teaching. That's not the greatest topic for me. I get a little irritated when I think of visiting teaching. My testimony of Relief Society and visiting teaching isn't exactly strong. I don't feel any great bond or a special attachment. But I know that I should. I want to. Really. I just don't know why I don't. Actually, that's a lie. I do know why I don't love visiting teaching. 1. I've never had visiting teachers who have come to see me. That may sound like an exaggeration, but it isn't. In the ten years of being and having visiting teachers. . .I've never had anyone come more than twice. 2. My visiting teachers have never brought meals when I've had kids or been sick or injured. 3. I always see people taking advantage of visiting teachers. For example, when we lived in Utah there was a woman who was pregnant with triplets. She asked for meals for three months. THREE MONTHS! I understand that she was on bed rest for a few weeks before she had the babies and I can't even imagine having three babies at one time. . .but three months? Really? She didn't have any other kids, why couldn't her husband help out with cooking for the two of them? Even here in NC there are people who ask for meals to be brought for more than week!

Just for some background. . .When I had Malia, my visiting teachers told me that they would each bring us dinner one night. At 5:30 PM one of them called me and said that the other couldn't bring her meal that night so she would bring two meals the next day in the afternoon. The next day we waited for her to bring them by, and finally decided that we needed to figure something else out because she wasn't coming, and she didn't. How do you do that? Why would you do that? If I couldn't make someone a meal, I would at least go buy them a pizza or KFC or something. I wouldn't just leave them wondering. I't has been six months and this still bothers me. Heck, the stories I told you before happened a long long time ago and they still bother me. Why? I don't think about it all the time, actually I don't think about it very often. Just when the subject of visiting teaching comes up. Today it started bothering me because our Relief Society sent out an email asking for help with meals for a week for my visiting teacher who just had a baby. I have zero desire to take her family dinner. I know that's wrong. I really do. I don't know how to change the way I'm thinking. How do I get to the point where things like that don't bother me? Ben would say "There's nothing you can do about it now, so why worry about it." I just think that is easier said than done. For now, I'll keep praying for the ability to control my thoughts and to know how to get over things faster. . .it's just not really working so well right now. I'm weak. Too weak for my liking. I'll keep working on it.

The Plan is Simply This. . .

I have this plan. It includes an early to bed and early to rise sleep pattern for the whole family, a daily exercise routine for me, eating healthy, losing 25 lb., studying the scriptures every day, and keeping the house clean. . .not just tidy. . .really clean.

How am I going to do this you ask? Let me break it down.

Early to Bed, Early to Rise

Simon starts school on Wednesday (I can't believe he's in first grade!). When he does start school, I want everyone to start a nightly routine. At 7:30 all of the kids will start getting ready for bed. Showering, brushing their teeth and whatever else. By 8:00 they will be in bed with family prayer said, songs sung and lights out. Malia usually goes to bed around 9:00 and right after I get her in bed I will be able to get myself ready. I'd like to be ready and in bed at 9:30. Getting to bed early will allow me to wake up early. The kids and Ben (If he's willing to participate) will be woken up at 6:00. For me, the plan is to get up at 5:30 (man, that sounds really early!). Eight hours of sleep should be more than plenty, right!? Yes, I'm right. :) That brings me to the next portion. . .

My Daily Exercise Routine

I read a book called This is Why You're Fat and How to Stay Skinny Forever, written by Jackie Warner. It is a very stupid title, but I really enjoyed the book. So much so, that I bought it. From reading that book I have learned a lot about eating habits and about the foods that are good/bad for you and why you should or should not eat them. She also talks about getting exercise. She says that it is better for you to do 20 minutes of exercise with varying levels of difficulty in the work out, than to do a 45 minute work out and stay at the same level. She also believes in lifting weights and doing different types of workouts using the weights.

That being said, I am going to start out by doing a 20 minute workout on my elliptical every morning. Ben and I were doing P90X before we moved to NC, and I will eventually start doing that in addition to the elliptical. However, for now we will stick with adding one workout at a time so as not to burn myself out and give up. (which is what I usually do with my all encompassing plans)

Eating Healthy and Losing Weight

I have decided to try out Jackie Warners method for eating healthy. It includes eating oatmeal, two eggs, and lots of fruit and vegetables every day. In addition you "eat clean" for a week and have two "cheat meals" on the weekends. She says you shouldn't have any sugar, but I'm not totally on board with that one. She compares sugar to cocaine and says you shouldn't have any at all. No milk, no ketchup, not anything with any kind of sugar. I don't buy that one. I did appreciate the fact that reading her opinion on sugar made me pay more attention to how much sugar is in different things. I am more aware, just not that extreme.

When we got home from Utah, I weighed a whopping 145 lbs. Ugh. That is almost as much as I weighed when a gave birth to Simon! I do not feel like I look fat. However, I do feel fat. I don't like weighing that much and I need it to go away. Since we got back from Utah, I have been following her diet, and I have lost 5 lbs.! I'm hoping I continue losing the poundage. . .if I do, and I get to my goal weight (120), Ben and I are going to go to Europe next summer! I'm guessing that we will be going whether I reach my goal or not. . .but I really want to work hard at it, so I should be able to make it!

Daily Scripture Study

Nolan will start preschool in about two weeks. He will go from 9:30-1:30 on Monday through Thursday. I'm hoping that by waking everyone up at 6:00 to get ready for the day Isabella and Malia will be able to take a nap while Nolan is at preschool. That will give me at least an hour of quiet, alone time. That is when I will study. I imagine it won't happen that way every day. There are bound to be issues with girls going to sleep or errands that will need to done during that time. If there are days when I need to study at a different time, I'm hoping I can accomplish that when Ben gets home from work or after the kids go to bed in the evening.

Keeping our House Clean

Katie and Angela love a website called flylady.com. I looked at it the other day, and now I love it too! It is a system for keeping your house clean. . .all the time. Right now I am doing the beginner baby steps. It is a series of habits that you start with. The first one is to keep your sink shining. Flylady says that if your kitchen is clean, it will be easier for you to keep the rest of your house clean. As the kitchen goes, so goes the rest of the home. You have before bed and morning routines and the house is broken up into zones. You start a new zone every week and each zone is thoroughly cleaned each month. It's great. I've only been doing it for a week, but I'm loving my clean sink and the routines so far! I'm pretty sure Ben is enjoying that the house has been a lot cleaner. I bet he can't wait until I start cleaning the different zones. It makes him happy to have a clean house. Heck, I'm even happy when the house is clean. :)

So that's it! That is my plan.

Wish me luck! :)

Good To Be Home

We have been back from our month long trip to Utah for about a week. We had so much fun! My mom flew here to NC on Monday, July 5. She came to help me fly back to Utah with the kids on July 6. She's such a nice mommy. Then Ben joined us on July 23. Anyway, we stayed with my parents for the first two weeks of our trip and for the last two weeks we stayed with Ben's parents. We went to the splash pad at Gateway, did lots of swimming and playing in the water in both back yards, went four wheeling, ate tons of Cafe Rio, drank way way way to much Dr. Pepper (that was me. . .the kids ate way too much junk food in general), went out with friends, went to the temple (!!), took family pictures, had the annual Bliss 24th of July BBQ, spent a day at the Drummond's annual campout, and everyone was thrilled to meet Malia (she rolled over for the first time while we were there!). It was good to see all of the family and some of our good friends. . .but I have to say. . .it was really nice to come home, get the kids back on a normal schedule and get back into our routines.

When we first moved to North Carolina, I quickly realized how I often took having my mom and Ben's mom around to help for granted. It was, for the most part, very easy living in Utah. We never had to worry about a babysitter, if we (more like if I) didn't want to cook dinner we just went to one of our parents house to eat, we could go to the temple as often as we wanted (and we tried to go once a month), I could go to the store without kids, and if I just needed a break I could call my mom and she'd come to my house or I could go to her house. She would help with the kids or I could let them run around out back and not have to worry so much about them. When we moved I had to figure everything out again. Now I have to take kids to the store or wait for Ben to be home or take Ben along (not his favorite activity). I went to the temple once last year because it takes about six hours round trip. I have to cook dinner. . .or order pizza (which we don't do often) or nobody eats. We have to plan babysitting carefully so as not to overload people too much. . .and I don't get breaks. These sound like complaints, but they really aren't. . .other than the frequency of my temple trips. I love living here. I love that I have had to figure things out for myself. I don't mind taking the kids to the store so much. It's not my favorite thing, but I've learned that sometimes it just has to be done, so I make the best of it. I feel like I am closer to the people in my ward because we have to rely on them more. Ben and I are closer because I turn to him for comfort, entertainment, a listening ear, and to relieve me from parenting duty at times. I liked living in Utah. I could move back there sometime. That time isn't now. I love living in NC and visiting Utah. It was strange really. When I got to Utah it just didn't feel like home. . .or that it would be home anytime soon. It is good to be back in our own house, in our own beds, doing our thing, day in and day out. It's just good to be home. :)

Hullabaloo

What is it about Nascar racing that people get so excited over? It's just a bunch of cars going around and around and around and around. They just keep making left hand turns. I don't understand the excitement. Ben was sort of watching it on and off tonight. He lovingly left me feeding Malia in front of the TV with no remote, watching Nascar while he put the kids in bed. (Isn't he a nice boy to put the kids in bed?!) Holy Hannah was that not the worst 10 minutes of my TV watching history?!? And yet, the announcers were loving every second of it. Saying "This is hold your breath racing!" or, "There is so much excitement going on in the front!" or, "You can feel the intensity here!" and when they showed the crowd everyone was cheering, jumping up and down and having a

grand ole time. . .seriously? I don't see it.

Nascar is huge here in NC. They have a Nascar speed park in Concord Mills. And they just opened the Nascar Hall of Fame in Charlotte. These are two places that I don't see myself visiting anytime soon. :)

I'm not sure what all the fuss is about, and I obviously don't share the enthusiasm. . .but, whatever floats your boat I guess.

What I Learned

I learned a few things today. . .

1. Helping kids clean is a lot easier & requires a lot less yelling than trying to have them do it themselves.

2. An iPod touch does wonders while waiting for an oil change.

3. Sometimes bribery IS the answer. :)

4. Nolan has been peeing behind the doors. . .(sigh)

5. I should have figured out that the swimming suits we need tomorrow weren't clean and started the laundry before 10:30 at night.

6. I have really great neighbors! It's only taken me a year to figure that out. :)

7. I'm ready to let the birds stretch their wings outside (and pray that they don't come back). They are driving me bonkers!

8. Walking outside barefoot on the hot roads is not a good idea.

9. I don't know how I'm going to last 17 days in Utah without Ben. . .I'm ready for him to be home now. I miss him.

10. I'm disliking the hot, humid summers in NC almost as much as I dislike the snowy, cold winters in Utah.

11. I really miss dancing. Watching the show So You Think You Can Dance reminds me of how much I loved it.

Plus Two

I've been sitting here on my bed trying to think of what I would write about tonight. I've been trying to focus on the positive things more than the negative these last few days. However, just so you know how my day went, bed time for kids is normally around 8:30 or so, since it's summer. Today I put Isabella to bed at 6:50.

I've been sitting here for about ten minutes trying to think of something positive.

Then, just now Nolan walked in. (Him and Simon are watching a movie downstairs)

This was our conversation. . .

Me: "Hi Sweet boy, what do you need?"

Nolan: Holding his arms open for a hug he says, "I love you 100 plus 64 plus 98."

Me: "Wow! That's a lot! Guess what? I love you that many plus two!"

Nolan: "I love you 98 mommy, did you know that's the biggest number?"

Me: "It is?"

Nolan: "Yeah, can you count to that many?"

Me: "I think I could."

Nolan: While walking out of my bedroom, "Well, that would take you for longer. It would take you 100 days to count to 98 cause that's a big big number."

How can you not love that sweet boy? I love moments like

that. . .when the only thing that makes sense in our conversation is that he loves me

the biggest number he knows

and I love him that many plus two.

A Good Thing

Just so you understand. . .Ben and I haven't been away from each other for more than two nights since he got home from his mission. I didn't exactly have that in mind when I had the brilliant idea of going to Utah with the kids 17 days before him. I think, at the time, that I thought it would be easier than I now know it's going to be. (That was a confusing sentence) Right now, he is on a High adventure scout camp. He hasn't even been gone for one whole day and I miss him. He will be gone for three nights this time. . .which really isn't very long at all. How in the world am I going to be without seeing him for over two weeks?! I know my mom and his mom are thrilled that we will be visiting for so long and they will get to see their grandbabies. . .but it makes me sad to think about going without Ben. I wish he could come and be with us for the whole time instead of just the end of the vacation.

This may seem strange, but, thinking about being away from Ben, makes me think about how much I love him. . .and love being around him and talking to him. I've always loved him, but I think it gets so easy to love without thinking about why or how. Does that make sense? We've been married for a little more than eight years. . .loving him is just easy. I don't think about it all the time. . .I just do it. . .like blinking. I'm sad that he can't come with us. . .but I'm glad that this makes me think about how much I love him and how much I want to be with him forever. Even after eight years, I don't like the thought of being without each other. That's a good thing.

Church

I really do enjoy going to church. It is so helpful when the kids are good in sacrament meeting and when I don't spend most of the time in the mother's room. Today was one of those good days. I love getting my cup filled for the coming week. :)

No Such Thing

Yesterday we went to Walmart with the family. Ben needed to get some things for the scout camp that he is going on. The kids and I found things that we wanted to take on our trip to Utah! The kids were so good! It made me wonder what makes them nice, obedient and mellow one day, then mean, cranky and defiant the next? I wish I could find the magical answer. . .but I'm guessing that since there's no such thing as magic, that probably means there's no magical answer and I shouldn't hold my breath! Instead, I'll be grateful for the times when they don't test my sanity, like yesterday. :)

Thought Processes

Note: This wasn't meant to be a depressing post. . .it's really just the thought processes that I keep having. This is really the point of this blog. . .to help me figure things out and become a better person. . .I believe that includes knowing and understanding the actions and thoughts that need to go. It may not make much sense to anyone reading it. . .but it does make sense to me. :)

Today was actually a good day! I know I am saying that like it's a shock. Please understand. . .I haven't been having many good days. I guess that's a little too dramatic. I've had lots of great days interlaced with feelings of unimportance. And that feeling goes into every aspect of my life. It's funny, because I could have a conversation with myself about the way I'm feeling and give myself great solutions and answers to my questions. . .and yet, I can't figure out a way to change the way I'm feeling. . .

First of all, I feel unimportant as a mother. Let's face reality, I spend a huge majority of my time with children who are six, four, almost three and almost three months. There isn't much gratitude coming my way. I also don't get much time for me. I know, I should find joy in raising and nurturing them and in the knowledge that I am a partner with God in creating life. But here's the thing. . .So, I love love love being a mom. I would not want to be doing anything else. I love and adore my kids. I am SO grateful that I am able to stay home with them. Not everyone gets to do that! It's just that. . .I don't know. . .it's like I want more, but I don't know what that "more" is? That probably doesn't make any sense, but I can't figure out how to put what I'm thinking and feeling into words. Then I'm reading the May Ensign and I read Sheri Dew's conference talk. She talks about how women shouldn't be feeling like they need more "me time" We should be content and satisfied with raising or children and staying home. So. . .how do I get to that point? How do I make myself feel that way? It's strange because every time I do get some time to myself. . .I'd rather be with Ben and the kids. Do you see why I'm confused? . . .I just had a thought. . .maybe the "more" isn't more time to myself but it's more in a spiritual sense. . .like more of a testimony and more spiritual knowledge and strength? Which brings me to the next aspect of my life. . .

I feel very unimportant at church. I have no calling. I actually thought I would enjoy not having a calling. That is not the case! I was in nursery until they released me after having Malia. I was seriously dreading having nursery as a calling. I soooo loved that calling! It is one of my favorite so far. Now, I have no calling, I spend most of my time at church in the mother's room nursing, I haven't been to the temple in almost a year (it's a six hour long trip. . .not so easy with little kids), and I rarely get to study my scriptures without interruptions. . .or falling asleep. :) I really want a calling. I feel like I'm helping and serving when I do. I think maybe I'm a little jealous. That's an understatement. I know I'm very jealous of Ben in many ways. In relation to this subject. . . Ben is the YM president. He is very busy with his calling. He helps people all the time and everyone loves him. On the other hand, I feel like I only know ten people in our ward. In relation to the previous subject, he gets a break from the kids! :)

I also feel unimportant with adults. I know that doesn't make any sense, but I have a theme going here, stick with me. What I mean is that I don't feel like I could contribute to an intellectual conversation about. . .well, anything. The most stimulating conversation I have in a typical day is about pokemon and their different moves and types and their evolution. Ben says to read books. . .but I rarely have time to sit and read. Well actually, I choose other things to do with my time. And perhaps those other things are less important. . .maybe I need to take inventory of what I do in a day. It's silly really, when I was reading the Twilight series I was done with each book in two days at most! Granted, that was before Malia showed up, but I should be able to find time. Right? Right.